


Not Goodbye but Hello

by RaeSone99



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Family, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hospitals, I Love You, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:51:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3664515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeSone99/pseuds/RaeSone99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cap for "Public Enemy". re: Ray's love declaration and Felicity's sudden need to get jell-o. Felicity recounts three life lessons she's learned while Ray sleeps. Kind of introspective. I'm starting to think that Felicity has some hang-ups when it comes to 'those three words'. This is my personal head canon for why...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Goodbye but Hello

**Author's Note:**

> This takes the standpoint that Felicity knows what her dad did but not where he is now... I don't own these characters but the wonderful people at the CW do :)

There were three things Felicity learned at a young age: Kangaroos were scary, she was allergic to nuts, and ‘I love you’ meant goodbye.  It was a reality that was simple and that she understood. It was as plain as living and breathing, and proved itself over and over again.

When she went to the zoo with her class in second grade the other kids dared her to get up close to the kangaroo enclosure. She’d tentatively moved forward and approached the baby joeys. They were small and peered at her with as much curiosity as she had for them.  Just as she was about to run back to her friends in victory a large shadow fell over. Slowly she dragged her eyes up the glass wall, taking in the large feet, the pouch, the shaggy clumpy fur, and finally the beady glistening eye of the mama kangaroo. Awed at being so close to the beast Felicity stared the kangaroo down, finding herself unable to move. They remained that way for a suspended second until the giant kangaroo bunched its powerful legs and aimed a kick right at the glass in front of Felicity’s face.  Years later Felicity would never be able to recall just how she got away from the kangaroo, nor her teacher rushing to explain that the kangaroo was trying to protect its young. She would however remember the crack in the glass right in front of her face. 

The nuts thing was even easier to learn. One bright sunny afternoon at her best friend Chelsea’s 9th birthday party, Felicity thoughtlessly grabbed a brownie from the brownie tray. Even though her mother drilled it in her to ask, ‘does this have nuts in it’ she’d never actually eaten any. Her mother and father were so careful with her. It wasn’t until that evening that she understood why. Felicity’s turn at pin the tail on the donkey was coming up so she stuffed the whole brownie in her face. It was delicious. She even licked her fingers.  She took maybe three steps towards the donkey display before she fell forward. She barely registered the screams from Chelsea’s mom and she certainly never heard the ambulance. When she awoke she was lying in a bright yellow hospital room. Her mother was sitting by her side, tear tracks ruining her make-up.

“Hey Mommy,” she said sleepily.

Donna gave her a tearful smile, her warm hands reaching through the plastic guard rails to grip Felicity’s tiny ones. “Hey baby. You gave me and your daddy quite the scare.”

Felicity’s eyes widened, all traces of sleep melting away, “Is he here?” She looked around the room wildly as though her tall wiry father would suddenly appear, his blue eyes flashing mischievously under a mop of brown hair. In her head she could hear him calling her, ‘Hey Sugar Pop!’ He would scrunch his nose at her in a grin, push his round rim glasses up, and gather her in a mighty bear hug. Everything would be okay again.

The skin around Donna’s eyes tightened, “No baby, he’s not here. I called him from the hospital.”

Felicity’s face fell, and Donna quickly moved to distract her.

“But look sweetie! I brought your Walkman from home! It even has your favorite Spice Girls tape in it!”

It worked. Not until she was in the backseat on the car ride home did Felicity allow herself to feel disappointed about her father. So lesson two become entwined with lesson three.

Felicity was standing outside of Ray’s hospital room, staring at him through the window. In her hand she held a plate of shaking jell-o.  She couldn’t tell if it was shaking because of her own unsteadiness or because that’s just what jell-o did. From her spot outside of the door Felicity could see his heart monitor beeping away steadily; a signal that he was sound asleep. She didn’t move.

She was never going to say it. It was the last thing she was sure of. I love you meant goodbye.  Her therapist after Coopers supposed suicide tried to tell her that she was over-generalizing but everything in her life upheld lesson number three as true. Cooper loved her and not only had he died but he came back as a crazed villain, taunting her with their love, only to disappear from her life once more. Oliver _only_ said the phrase when he was either leaving or facing nigh certain death. Ray…Felicity sighed. Ray loved what she could do for him. As long as she was saving his life or helping him with his suit everything was fine. But she feared for them the moment they didn’t have a puzzle to solve or a project to glue them together…the moment that he tried to solve her. And besides that she _knew_. She knew the moment those words fell from him lips that he’d just rung their death knell. So she ran. She ran like her father did that fateful night when she was eight. Felicity closed her eyes. In her head she could see her mom standing in the doorway while her father told her goodbye. Off in the distance she could hear sirens wailing angrily. Even then she knew they were coming for her dad.  

“Hey Sugar Pop,” her dad had whispered sadly. He knelt down beside her bed and ran his hand over her sandy brown hair.

“Mommy says that you have to leave,” Felicity stared at her dad with large eyes and a trembling lip, “I don’t want you to go.”

Her dad’s eyes looked as wet as hers felt. “I don’t want to go either but I have to. There are some men who didn’t like daddy’s research and they might try to hurt you and your mommy if I stay.”

Felicity sniffed, “What if you tell them that you didn’t mean to hurt them and that you’re sorry, and then you’ll be able to stay and then…”

A small smile broke out on her dad’s face and he tugged her against his chest, cradling her head over his heart. 

“I’ll tell you a secret. Do you remember what I showed you the other day on the Web?” Felicity nodded listening to his voice rumble against her ear. “Well one day, maybe not tomorrow, or next week, or even next year, but one day the Web will become super powerful and people all over the world will use it. If you master the Web it will lead you to any person on earth. So that way,” he pulled away from Felicity and tucked her back under her pink sheets, “no matter where you go, or where I go we’ll always be able to find each other, okay?”

Felicity nodded, and he bent over and kissed her forehead, her nose, and her cheeks before finally pulling away. Pushing his glasses against his face he whispered,

“I love you, Felicity.”

From the doorway her mother called him urgently,

“It’s now or never!”

Giving Felicity one last peck on the cheek her dad unfolded himself and jogged to where her mother was standing. They stared at each other silently as the sirens drew closer. From where she was lying down Felicity could only see his silhouette but the pained expression on her mother’s face was clear before Donna nodded and he took off at a run.

Felicity blinked, dragging herself out of the memory. Her father had planted a seed. She had indeed mastered the internet. Her facial recognition software was unrivaled and one day…maybe not tomorrow, or next week or next year, she’d stand face to face with the man who planted that seed in her mind. She’d look him in the eye and tell him what she couldn’t tell Oliver, refused to tell Ray, and wished she hadn’t told Cooper: that she loved him too. Except when it happened it wouldn’t be a goodbye but a hello.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
